In this proposal the intended audience for Project IV is:
People who can make changes to the house. (Alumni board or National HQ)
Why should your audience care about the topic and your proposal?
It involves the betterment of Triangle.
One thing I think I did well in my proposal is:
State what I want to change
One thing I am not so sure about in my proposal is:
I don’t think it is very persuasive to my cause
Dear reader,
Though I cherish the Triangle house, I wish it was in better condition. As it stands the house is not up to the codes required by the University for the Triangle house to be lived in. We aren’t even supposed to take naps there. In order to bring the house to a livable condition I know some, but not all that needs to be done. I know that it needs major renovation, with one of the top things on the list being a sprinkler system for fires. I hope that those reading this, that have the power to make the necessary changes, find a way to work with us at the Louisville chapter to make our chapter home livable. The ultimate goal being to create an environment in which enduring friendships may be formed, and there is little that is more bonding than living together.
When I personally think of Fraternities, I think of tradition. Tradition that would bond brothers who have been alumni for many years with the freshest of actives. Ideals are one of the first traditions I learned about when I pledged Triangle, and they are the most important. But ideals can be personal, slightly changing with each person and hard to bond over. However, a house, a place to live, a home for several generations can create a tradition of bonding. Bonding between those living there and those who have lived there. At the Louisville chapter we don't have this. Yes, we have a house, but because we are unable to live in it, there is a gap between those who lived there and those of us who can't. I have met and heard stories from some alumni who have lived at the house in the past. They seem to have fantastic stories to tell about their time there. I just want the chance for all the Triangles that come through Louisville to have a chance to bond in that way.
When I personally think of Fraternities, I think of tradition. Tradition that would bond brothers who have been alumni for many years with the freshest of actives. Ideals are one of the first traditions I learned about when I pledged Triangle, and they are the most important. But ideals can be personal, slightly changing with each person and hard to bond over. However, a house, a place to live, a home for several generations can create a tradition of bonding. Bonding between those living there and those who have lived there. At the Louisville chapter we don't have this. Yes, we have a house, but because we are unable to live in it, there is a gap between those who lived there and those of us who can't. I have met and heard stories from some alumni who have lived at the house in the past. They seem to have fantastic stories to tell about their time there. I just want the chance for all the Triangles that come through Louisville to have a chance to bond in that way.
Sincerely,
Joshua Frasure
1.Yes the intended audience is evident. I had to ask what the Triangle house was, but after that I understood completely. For his readers, the audience is definitely evident because it is towards his fellow Triangle fraternity brothers. There are no redundant phrases.
ReplyDelete2.Yes there is a concise discussion of the topic being proposed. The proposal is first mentioned in the first 2 sentences. The topic is making the Triangle Fraternity house more suitable for living in.
3.I believe that the intended focus is "I wish it was in better condition" In is in the first sentence.
4. The readers that should care are the head people in charge of Greek life and also other members of the Triangle fraternity. They should care because the house isn't even suitable to take a nap in, while other houses are safe to live in.The possible rationale is that they improve things about the house that make it suitable for living in.
5.The writer makes me care about improving the living conditions of the Triangle Fraternity house, by stating "one of the top things on the list being a sprinkler system for fires." This made me care because it seems like everywhere always has sprinkler systems, but a fraternity house doesn't. I believe that this is mind blowing. I believe that this answers the question "So what?" because UofL should care more about their fraternities/students than what it seems like they do (considering the conditions of the Triangle House).